There’s a funny thing about being apart from someone you love. It’s something you have to be patient about, which is not always easy. When you really want something, and you want it all the time, it’s difficult when you have to wait a long time for it. It’s really all about being patient.
This is what you have to teach yourself how to do when your boyfriend goes far away. That’s how you get through it. Instead of repeatedly asking why he isn’t there, you must tell yourself that it isn’t forever, that you will see him again and one day you will get to see him all the time. And then you’ll probably get sick to death of him so you should make the most of being away from him now. (This is what you tell yourself, regardless of what you’re really thinking. Because this is all you can afford to think.)
What you think is what is and therefore you can make the separation whatever you want it to be. Instead of being disappointed that you only get to see him for a few days at a time with long gaps in between rather than every day, you have to be thankful that you can have those few days together.
Here’s my way of looking at life:
(Please note: this works for me…I’m not saying it’s definitely going to make anyone else happy but the way I see it, happiness is a state of mind which means that you can control it yourself, by choosing what to think and how to perceive life.)
What do you want in life?
To be happy.
So make that the aim of every day. Forget all the other crap. Stop thinking stupid things about wishing you were with someone you can’t be with in the present moment or wishing you were doing something you can’t be doing. It’s ok to dream and make plans for the future, but don’t spend your life wishing you were somewhere else. Make happiness your focus. There are other ways of being happy other than being with this person or in this other place. You can actually be happy in any given situation. The key is in your mind, your thoughts.
What do you need to do to be happy?
I’d never really even had to think about this until I became unhappy. I’d never been unhappy before. I’d been sad on certain occasions but never hating life because I was doing something I didn’t want to be doing. Even during my first year of university, I was happy even though I’d never wanted to go to university.
Like I said, happiness is a state of mind and therefore you should be able to achieve it in your head alone, regardless of external circumstances. Here are some things I’ve learnt about happiness:
One: happiness cannot be bought about by money. Throw your money out of the window now (metaphorically speaking, that is. If you have an overload of the linen/paper/plastic rectangles then do something useful with it – maybe set up an orphanage/build a well in a village somewhere/sort out world politics, whatever you feel capable of.)
Money and happiness = not linked at all.
Money and laziness = hand in hand.
Laziness and unhappiness = also hand in hand. (Life seems pointless when you have nothing to do with yourself. You sit on your ass all day and breed misery in your mind.)
Two: happiness is a choice, it’s a decision you make, every single day. Like deciding what dress to wear.
Pink dress or blue dress?
Happy day or sad day?
If you want to be happy, you can be. It’s really as simple as that. Just choose to be happy and then make it happen.
Three: happiness can easily be bought about by living in the moment. Stop thinking about yesterday or tomorrow. Think about them when you get there, when it’s actually happening. Right now, what are you doing? If you’re doing something necessary and unpleasant (examples may include going to work/shopping/exercise/listening to someone boring talk at you…), focus on that. Don’t think about how much you can’t wait to get out of there. Think about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Remember that everything happens for a reason. Think of all the good things about it: what it’s useful for, how it’s going to help someone/something, how the sooner you stop thinking about hating it and you get on with doing it, the sooner it will be over. Banish any negative thoughts. Don’t let them wander into your head. If you’re bored with it, take a break and go back to it fresh. But do not sit there thinking and thinking about how much you hate it. Way to make yourself miserable… Also I’d like to point out the obvious thing here: if you’re thinking about your job and hate it that much, every single day then do something about it! Find a job you enjoy doing. Or alternatively, run away and live in the jungle.
Four: happiness isn’t about getting what you want; it’s about wanting what you have. This one is so true. If you spend your whole life lusting after something else, how do you ever intend to be happy? Once you get it you’ll be after the next thing. What have you got now that’s good? Sure I’m 3000 miles away from my boyfriend BUT I get to spend a whole week with my fabulous sister. And I wouldn’t change that because I love her and I hardly ever get to see her. My time with the boyfriend will come, but right now I want to enjoy my time with my sister.
If you’re living in the here and now, is it really patience you need to practise? Because if you live in the moment, you’re not waiting for anything to happen because you know everything will happen in its natural and given order. There will be moments when you’re utterly convinced that you can’t do it any more but have faith in yourself. Make happiness your aim.
My belief is that if you’re not going to live a happy life why bother living at all? The only thing you can really achieve in life is enjoyment. When you die you cannot take your money with you, or your television or your boat or your expensive car. But you can take happiness with you because happiness weaves itself into your soul. It is your greatest achievement, your greatest gift.